WRITINGS

„My grandfather, a last century citizen of Kosice, and originally a settler here built a hotel! Next to it however, he built a hall that has been a home for art ever since that time. It is not brilliant balls or big banquets that are important in the life of this dance hall, but nights of art and concerts… This building too, has become a church, a church of art where artists pay homage to their Muses – and the audience to their artist!​​“

„When I was a teacher, I was teaching little boys from a gypsy settlement in the second grade of the elementary school. During a break, one of them, a ragged and shabby-looking little boy produced a long stocking. From it, he poured out a great number of buttons to the floor. The others surrounded him admiring his treasures. I went there too, to admire the little shoddy, worthless buttons, which for him were more valuable than anything else. When I returned to the teacher’s desk, he came up to me saying with proud joy. “I want to give these two buttons to the little Miss”; and he stretched out his dirty little palm towards me with two buttons. Another boy could not help crying out: “But Gyuri, these are your two smartest buttons!” I have kept this episode as one of the most beautiful memories of my life! Little Gyuri Kovály gave me his two smartest and most valuable buttons as a gift!…“

“You accompany someone you know to some kind of a meeting without having any specific purpose, only out of friendship. You do not intend to sit there until the meeting ends, because you have something else on your schedule. Still, when the two of you arrive, you find yourself sitting down even though you don’t know what is going on. You can see a lot of young girls around you. You realize that you have become part of some movement. But you do not have time to find this out, because immediately one of the girls comes up to the front and begins to speak. You are not aware of what is happening to you. Under similar circumstances, you are usually quite conscious and observing. You have the habit of listening to what is being said. But now only snatches of the conversation reach you: “social issues…social responsibility… social work movements… public opinion has to be formed, … we need to influence the population… we have to fight for human rights and for the modification of laws… there should be less people in need of nursing, less people who have morally lost their way, and less people living in extreme poverty… There exists a society, the Society of Sisters of Social Service with the task of training skilled workers who have vocation, and who are consecrated in spirit, to perform the many kinds of social work…” You are not hearing the rest, you are only watching the Sister who is speaking as if she was speaking only to you. It seems you had known her for ages, you feel she is one of your family… Perhaps you do not yet understand clearly what she is saying. You don’t even know what it is that draws you here; to this society that was founded only recently… but something is drawing you, that much is certain. It is not something, it is rather Someone. It is the good God himself, who intended this environment for your consecrated life. And suddenly you become perfectly calm, calm as someone who found what she was looking for. You are still sitting at the meeting. A girl is talking to the group about an event that went very well. All are interested in it very much, but you are lost in thought…“

„Am I worthy of taking vows? Am I worthy of a religious vocation? No, no, a hundred times no! Two years ago I was still a smoker, a light-hearted person and a reveller. And behold, yesterday I was kneeling down nonetheless, feeling moved, and saying the words a little stammering: My dear Redeemer, Lord Jesus!“

„Oh, my Lord, my God, how have I become worthy of your goodness? How have I deserved that you have granted me such a beautiful, a deep, a blissful and a meaningful life? That you have led me to such a beautiful world? I want to value highly, with all my energies, my consecrated life; to awaken in myself a deep sense of gratitude for having a part in it. To recognize together with all its difficulties, of how beautiful and how good it is!… Alleluia! Today I can say nothing else, only, may God be blessed. Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia!“

„I am short-tempered, vehement, nervous and passionate but still I love you! I am disobedient, stubborn and defiant yet I love you! I am restless, hasty and confused but I love you! I am dark, envious and making comparison although I love you! How many more weaknesses would I have within me if you did not love me! I want to be faithful and remain faithful till my death! Faithful through everything!“

„It is very difficult to be faithful in small things. One is always more willing to do heroic acts. And this is understandable. In great things, in performing great acts their greatness gives impetus and strength; while we pass by the little things overlooking and not valuing them. How many opportunities we are wasting in this way! How many opportunities there are to be faithful in small things, and how many I am wasting of these opportunities“

„For me it is easy to love. It was the Lord who granted me this ability. How much harder it is for those to love who find it to be difficult! I must make good use of my gift to love!… What kind of leaven am I in our community? A Sister is saying that I am good leaven. But in this I have no merit. However, when I make a sour atmosphere in the community, I am to be blamed! It is a double fault for me, because, with my talents, I should leaven it… I want to be present when someone is casting a shadow, I want to spread sunlight among my Sisters. My dear God, it was you who granted me these talents; they have to be made useful in this way, too!“

„My Christ, please reign within me! Please destroy the narrow walls of my pettiness. Make me to be generous, big-hearted, so that I may be able to love everyone and overlook everything! Amen.“

„Faith demands one’s whole being! Have a desire for martyrdom! Even if it is not granted to you – because it is God’s special grace – live at least the martyrdom of love!“

„I arrived in Komárom on the 17th. It was a tiring and hard journey. The rain was pouring down. The next day I was teaching already. I teach 26 lessons a week in 13 classes. I would be doing it with joy and I would love it, if it were not such a hard job! My accommodation is very bad. I don’t even have a dresser. It is cold and there is no heating! The piano is being played the whole day next to me, and only a glass door is separating us. Besides, I am so very alone.“

„Today we had the carnival tea evening for the housemaids. 30 girls turned up. We set three big tables. There was plenty of food. After tea, there was music form the gramophone and the girls were dancing. There was a good atmosphere and they were pretty happy. For me it was exhausting, but I was very glad. God permitting, next year we will invite boys too. It lasted until seven.“

„I made 16 visits to families, studying their living conditions, and working until 5 o’clock in the afternoon. I went to terrible places! I have never seen such extreme poverty in my life! Yes, poverty in itself can be endured, it does not alienate from God. However, when it becomes so extreme, it kills body and spirit. Poor, poor people!…A Sister of Social Service is to be a torch. She needs to shed light on the way of the people; on the way on which they can reach God. I need to be a burning light!“

„I have made a resolution that in advent I will make a double effort to be patient. I want to be good. Good, good with all my heart! Whatever is good is holy! I believe one of the firmest foundations of holiness is goodness!“

„…Today a strange thing happened with me. I took out the novel I had completed and re-read it. It made a strange impact on me. I liked it very much! Suddenly I wrapped it up and mailed it.“

„May God be with you, beautiful, dear Komárom! I have suffered a lot in you and I love you very much perhaps exactly because of this! Good-bye my dear little children, bare-footed boys, dirty little girls, you poor, beloved companions, good-bye Benedictines, and winding streets! Beautiful, sweet Komárom, God be with you! It is unspeakably hard to leave.
I reached Losonc around three in the afternoon. Everything is lovely and friendly here. I want to serve here God with all my might!“

„My dear Sister, I was going to write you a longer letter to thank you for your gentle words you sent for the celebration of my final vows. Instead of the original (motto) “Alleluia” I chose a new motto: Ecce ego, mitte me! – Behold, here I am, send me!“

„The Máramaros Alps shed cold down on us. We keep reading 20-25 C degrees below zero. The flat is also quite cold; a finger-wide ice layer covers my window, and it cannot be opened. Sometimes I wrap myself up like a polar bear. Even so there are frostbites on my hands and feet… When I am cold in the church, I offer it up for the priest; I offer especially the cold in my hands for his hands. On the whole, I would like to consecrate my feeling cold, and offer it for those who have no fuel and no warm clothing.“

„I visited all the district-notaries of the Rahó district. I paid my respects to them and negotiated with them. You can’t imagine what a job it was! One was indifferent, I had to make him enthusiastic; the other was too enthusiastic, I had to slow him down; the third was depressed; the fourth distrustful, the fifth did not even want to see me because he had a lot to do, etc!…Still, I had to win over each one, and thank God, I was successful!“

„I have been given a new assignment, and soon I will have to leave Técsõ. I am glad, because I will be staying again in the Mother House. But my heart is aching because I have enjoyed it here; I have enjoyed my work, the people and the place… Now I have to acquaint my successor with the job lovingly and with patience. Accept it, oh God! What else do I want after all? Ecce ego, mitte me!“

„I am not working for myself. Not even for the Society. I work through an assignment by the superiors of the Society, for God himself. Untiringly! I want to love everything I work with: the machinery, the sheets and paints! Whenever I get some work to do during the day, I want to remember, it is the Lord who wants me to do it! I want to work in the light of this reality! I realize my responsibility. I have been granted with many talents, I have to do whatever I can in order to multiply them! One needs to love very much; one needs to work very hard!“

„What did Elisha do? First he prayed, than he warmed the dead boy’s body with the warmth of his own. (I too, am called) to pray and work, to impact others “with the warmth of my own body”, that is, with my life and my example! To realize this, I need constantly to awaken the love of Christ in my heart. It is only this love that makes me warm and makes an impact on the outside world.“

„Self-surrender to God. I think that is the secret of everything! A complete and wholly-made self-surrender!… To seek the will of God always and in everything! Today as well… What would you like my Lord, my God? Ecce adsum, ecce ego, mitte me! Ecce ego, suscipe me! Here I am, send me, here I am, accept me!“

„My heart is filled with jubilant enthusiasm! I am allowed to follow the inspiration to offer my life, or rather my death for my Sisters! I submitted the request to my superior and to my confessor and I have been granted the permission! In the first intoxication of happiness all the natural fear and uneasiness I experienced, has left me. I have already written the text of the offering. Now I only have to wait for Sister Margaret’s arrival, and then I may offer myself…“

„As we were sitting in the air-raid shelter, in the dark, and heard a subdued boom, to be honest, our hearts were trembling …we were praying for the city; for the soldiers who protected it, and I felt that I had to pray for the attackers, too! They also have immortal souls, and Christ died for them too. They were not only bombing us, they too, may also crash, or get shot. Perhaps the attacker and the victims will appear before God at the same moment… Perhaps my brief petition will earn them mercy!“

„It is not dynamite, chemical acids or bombs that destroy and kill, but the spirit of hatred directing them. Hatred causes bereavement and pain. Love wipes tears and comforts. We want love. We want to create structures based on justice! Let us take a look at the terrible effects of injustice in the life of the world! It erases frontiers; it attacks countries by fire and the sword; it exterminates peoples; it draws up new frontiers; it sets up barriers… It instigates races to rebel against one another! On the other hand, justice acknowledges the right to life of other countries and demolishes the barriers that separate people. It identifies the characteristics of various races as God’s different ideas. Justice says: we are all children of the same Father; we all have alike the right to life! Therefore, joining forces, we must support one another! In the life of a nation, injustice sets nationalities against one another, but justice leads them to stand side-by-side.“